Jonatan will be one year old tomorrow. One year ago I was walking around the square so very, very slowly, with labour slowly rolling over me. I ate a ton of food, and rested. And yes, there was also a bit of knitting.
The next day, Jonatan was born in our living room, the sun climbing over the houses. He was pushed out into the water and we were surprised to see this little body have such a strong will and life-force of his own, right from the first second. Suddenly, there he was. No longer a sprout growing in my belly, but a tiny person, clenched fists, open eyes, a voice and hunger for life. He suckled on my breast and found peace in this endless, cold world he has just burst into. It was such a peaceful, spiritual and wonderful birth, almost free of pain, but filled with love and the ancient drums of a life-rite repeated once more. Our love grew with a natural force, and we cupped our hands to protect him, to cradle him, to comfort him in his difficult transition from womb-life to earth-life.
It is his birthday, but it’s also our anniversary as parents. It has been an amazing journey, always filled with love, but also very hard and draining. Jonatan came, but I became a new person. Everything was new, all routines and presumptions shattered, and I had to find a “mom-me”. Not that she was hard to find, really, it was almost an automaton taking over my body. But left no space for that other “me”, which I had been before. And finding a balance between the two was hard. But now the first year is over, and I am at peace, levelled out, a few corners cut, many things learned. And so much more love than I ever knew.
Here’s one of my favourite new pictures of him!